Türa Guacamole

Guacamole. Need one say more? This wonderful dip is the only thing you need to make any gathering successful. Football games, Dance parties, Normal parties, Burgers, Nachos, Burritos, Basketball games, Farkel, Cards, anything really. It is the rare person who does not love the perfect balance of flavor and sophistication that come with serving this dish at any function. Martha Stewart, Eva Longoria and Beyonce even have their own recipes. I promise you though, ours will put them to shame. Big shame.

Ingredients:

Avocados. As if i needed to tell you that. As many as possible.
Sour cream. About one big spoon per avocado
An onion
Garlic. To taste. I use a lot
Juice of a lime. Or as much as you want. To taste
A dash or two of cumin
Salt to taste
Some paprika. Just a bit will do, just to add a small bite to it
Coriander (may be omitted if you hate it)
A small tomato (optional)


Method:

Throw everything but onion, coriander and tomato in a blender/food processor and blend until smooth.
Dice tomato, coriander and onion as small as possible and add to the mix.
Either put in a small bowl to dip out of or on top of whatever you are eating and indulge yourself to the most heavenly mix of taste possible.
Smugly remind yourself that your guest now think of you as a god. They'll be asking you for the recipe and you can just tell them, "oh, just a little of this and that... you know..."


By the way, this is perfect for topping the Türa Burgers and Türa Omelette.

Go Football season!!! WOOOOO!

Türa Burgers

The best thing to have left over for day after America day? A kilo of ground beef. Wanna know what's even better? The majority of guests leaving before you can turn it into burgers. Combine this with the superior produce we get here at the Türa in the summer, and you have a recipe for great success!

Prep ingredients:


Beer (2.5 liter bottles are best. konig seems to be the preferred flavor here this summer)

Cigarettes (Gauloises blue or yellow)(Optional)

Leftover sangria? Start in on it!

Ingredients for the burgers:

1 kilo ground meat. (beef is tastiest)
Red wine
Some herbs (rosemary or whatever)
A small diced onion
Some diced garlic if you feel like it

Garnishes and other good ideas:

Bread or buns. Anything that can handle the amount of taste you are about to encounter
Bacon. duh.
Cheese. Whatever you prefer. Or anything you have on hand.
Tomatoes
Pickles
Onions
Sauce (We like the holy trinity best-mayo, mustard and catsup)
Lettuce
Fried eggs can be fun
More beers. Nothing too wildly filling though. A white beer or IPA might be the thing for it.
A grill or stove top

Method:

Pour youself a sipping beer. You're gonna need it for as long as this is gonna take.
Take the meat and put it in a bowl. Mix with herbs, about 50ml of red wine and onion.
Let sit an hour or so. Have a beer.

If using a frying pan to cook the burgers, cook the bacon.
Form burgers into patties. Keep in mind that they'll shrink during cooking so i usually make them a bit thin and wide for optimal cooking time and placement on bread/buns
Get the bacon done and keep the grease.
Add small amounts of said bacon grease to the pan and cook the burgers. keep your eye on them so they don't burn. If you are so inclined, have a beer and a smoke while fulfilling this step.
Put cheese on near the end of the cooking so it gets a chance to melt.

If cooking on a grill, omit steps above and just cook the bacon and burgers side by side. have as many beers as you can fit in while watching the burgers. Have a couple smokes too if you find this acceptable. Put the cheese on at the end so it can melt.

Serve. Have a "build the best burger" contest. Get a beer. Eat.
Roll on the ground in overstuffed agony.
Drink more. It's your duty.

Türa omelette

This is the way to make the cement that holds our breakfasts together. Tasty, easy and relatively fast to prepare no matter how little sleep you got or how hungover you are. Enjoy.

Ingredients:

Coffee
1/2 pack of cigarettes (may be omitted if too hungover)
3-4 normal sized potatoes
1 or so onions
1 or so tomatoes
6-10 eggs
Any other vegetables you may have. Anything from eggplant to okra. (may be omitted if not on hand)
Spices. This is really up to you. Either super spicy or nice and mild.
Oil. Sunflower or corn is best. Olive works but it's a bit rich for our tastes.

Method:

Make coffee. drink a cup and check internet. smoke if not too nicotine ill from the night before.
Chop potatoes and onions nice and thin. put them in a bowl and shake with some oil until they are well covered with said oil.
Put a bit more oil in a frying pan and heat it for a bit. sometimes i put coriander and cumin seeds in at this point for fun.
Fry potatoes and onions until browning. you may smoke while this is going on. just be sure to stir often enough so they are evenly cooked.
Add tomatoes and other vegetables in accordance with how long they take to cook. drink coffee.
Continue frying until there is little liquid left in the pan.
Break eggs into the bowl you mixed the oil into the potatoes with. whisk. add the fried potato mix. mix well.
Put a bit more oil into the frying pan. lower the heat a bit and pour the whole damn thing in and mix well for about 30 seconds. as you are doing so, shake the pan a bit so the bottom don't stick.
Continue shaking it every minute or so until the bottom seems nice and solid. have another cigarette if you will. when it seems like the time's right, try and flip the bastard onto a plate so you can cook the top side. if you can't don't worry about it, just make sure you cover the top and continue cooking on a lowish heat until the top seems more or less firm.
When it seems ready, turn off the heat and put the thing to side for a minute while you set the table and get salads and sauces ready and maybe have some more coffee and cigarettes.
Serve.
Get compliments.
Chill.
Get someone else to do the dishes.
Start thinking about lunch.
Do push ups.
Try and think of something worthwhile to do with the rest of your day...