Türa Guacamole

Guacamole. Need one say more? This wonderful dip is the only thing you need to make any gathering successful. Football games, Dance parties, Normal parties, Burgers, Nachos, Burritos, Basketball games, Farkel, Cards, anything really. It is the rare person who does not love the perfect balance of flavor and sophistication that come with serving this dish at any function. Martha Stewart, Eva Longoria and Beyonce even have their own recipes. I promise you though, ours will put them to shame. Big shame.

Ingredients:

Avocados. As if i needed to tell you that. As many as possible.
Sour cream. About one big spoon per avocado
An onion
Garlic. To taste. I use a lot
Juice of a lime. Or as much as you want. To taste
A dash or two of cumin
Salt to taste
Some paprika. Just a bit will do, just to add a small bite to it
Coriander (may be omitted if you hate it)
A small tomato (optional)


Method:

Throw everything but onion, coriander and tomato in a blender/food processor and blend until smooth.
Dice tomato, coriander and onion as small as possible and add to the mix.
Either put in a small bowl to dip out of or on top of whatever you are eating and indulge yourself to the most heavenly mix of taste possible.
Smugly remind yourself that your guest now think of you as a god. They'll be asking you for the recipe and you can just tell them, "oh, just a little of this and that... you know..."


By the way, this is perfect for topping the Türa Burgers and Türa Omelette.

Go Football season!!! WOOOOO!

Türa Farkeling

For those not in the know, Farkel is one of the best ways to relax and pass the summer days.
It is possible to play outdoors and indoors. It's even possible to farkel while seven sheets to the wind and lying in a hammock. The best place to farkel of course is in a birja. The best drink to farkel with is beer, and you can also have polish vodka or sangria for an even more interesting farkeling experience.

Materials:

6 dice
A throwing board
Alcoholic beverages unless you're pregnant
A birja
Official Farkel rules *

Method:

Sit down with a few drinks and dudes and have yerself a hollering good time. Be prepared to have just more fun then you're supposed to have.

Best enjoyed after Türa Burgers.


* There are some extra fun house rules we use that you can get from us. Also, an extra fun and boisterous adaption of the game called "Twatter".

Türa Tree Whacking

Tree whacking is a ancient and time honored traditional game, dating back to the earliest recorded attempts to get kids out of the house and engage their damn lazy asses in helping out around the place.

The best times for tree whacking are of course in the early fall, when the trees, especially the walnut tree, have tasty little morsels covering them in preparation for the miserable winter months to come.

What you need:

A long pole
A drink
Smokes (optional)
Children or other naive helpers that work for free

Method:

Grab a drink with your dudes.
Pick up your pole and find a tree with nice things hanging in it.
Start whacking the bejeezus outta the damn tree just to show it who's boss.
When thoroughly whacked, find yourself a chair and imbibe on whatever you please as your slaves children or naive helpers pluck up the fruits of your labor from the ground.
Make them shuck the dainty tree delicacies and store them in preparation for the nastiness to come.
Pat yourself on the back for a job well done. You deserve it.

Türa Potato Salad

This one here is a real classic. The perfect fit for BBQ-ing and picnics all summer (and fall or spring for that matter) long.
Best way to do this one is to prepare it the day before so you got more time for boozing the day of your function. Plus, it tastes better when it's been sittin' overnight.

Ingredients for the salad:

A couple kilos of potatoes or so, depending on how many people
Some celery if you can find it
A carrot or two
Can of green olives
Hard boiled eggs. To the rate of 2 per kilo of taters
A bunch of fresh dill
Maybe a bell pepper if you feel like it
An onion. Two if they're small

Ingredients for the sauce:

Mayo. At least one packet
A bit of vinegar. Wine or apple cider being best
Bit of cumin
Mustard. Either dry or wet (a few good shakes if dry, a spoon or two if wet)
Salt and pepper to taste
Paprika of some sort for a little extra kick and color

Method:

Either peel and boil or boil and peel the potatoes. Not too soft otherwise your salad will just be cold mashed taters. Set aside to cool.
Boil the crap out of the eggs. You don't wanna have a runny yoke dripping around the bowl. Set aside to cool and then peel.
Grate the carrot(s). Dice the onion(s). Halve or quarter the olives. Chop the celery (and the pepper if you're using one) and the dill. Throw everything in a large bowl.
When yer spuds are cold, chop them into 1/2 inch (1cm) or so large cubes. Perfection is not necessary.
Same with the eggs but smaller. Throw them in the bowl as well.
Whip up the dressing.
Mix the dressing into the salad well.
Wait as long as humanly possible (not more than 24 hours) and eat as much as you can without puking.
You may need a light digestif (such as chacha) afterwards to aid in digestion.
Revel in glory.

White Sangria

So, we came up with this tasty nice summer drink when we had an over abundance of some real nice wine from a friend of ours once.
To be quaffed cold while sitting in a hammock on a hot summer day. (hopefully we'll still get a few of those...)

Ingredients:

White wine. Something nice and cheap will do. We prefer to not spend more than two lari per liter on ours
Fresh mint. Dry will not cut it
Peaches. The juicier and sweeter the better

Method:

Mix them all together.
Let sit for a few hours.
Drink while relaxing in the birja with some dudes and a game or two of farkel or backgammon.
Pat yerself on the back for being a fancy person with such cultured views on life.

Türa Burgers

The best thing to have left over for day after America day? A kilo of ground beef. Wanna know what's even better? The majority of guests leaving before you can turn it into burgers. Combine this with the superior produce we get here at the Türa in the summer, and you have a recipe for great success!

Prep ingredients:


Beer (2.5 liter bottles are best. konig seems to be the preferred flavor here this summer)

Cigarettes (Gauloises blue or yellow)(Optional)

Leftover sangria? Start in on it!

Ingredients for the burgers:

1 kilo ground meat. (beef is tastiest)
Red wine
Some herbs (rosemary or whatever)
A small diced onion
Some diced garlic if you feel like it

Garnishes and other good ideas:

Bread or buns. Anything that can handle the amount of taste you are about to encounter
Bacon. duh.
Cheese. Whatever you prefer. Or anything you have on hand.
Tomatoes
Pickles
Onions
Sauce (We like the holy trinity best-mayo, mustard and catsup)
Lettuce
Fried eggs can be fun
More beers. Nothing too wildly filling though. A white beer or IPA might be the thing for it.
A grill or stove top

Method:

Pour youself a sipping beer. You're gonna need it for as long as this is gonna take.
Take the meat and put it in a bowl. Mix with herbs, about 50ml of red wine and onion.
Let sit an hour or so. Have a beer.

If using a frying pan to cook the burgers, cook the bacon.
Form burgers into patties. Keep in mind that they'll shrink during cooking so i usually make them a bit thin and wide for optimal cooking time and placement on bread/buns
Get the bacon done and keep the grease.
Add small amounts of said bacon grease to the pan and cook the burgers. keep your eye on them so they don't burn. If you are so inclined, have a beer and a smoke while fulfilling this step.
Put cheese on near the end of the cooking so it gets a chance to melt.

If cooking on a grill, omit steps above and just cook the bacon and burgers side by side. have as many beers as you can fit in while watching the burgers. Have a couple smokes too if you find this acceptable. Put the cheese on at the end so it can melt.

Serve. Have a "build the best burger" contest. Get a beer. Eat.
Roll on the ground in overstuffed agony.
Drink more. It's your duty.

Türa omelette

This is the way to make the cement that holds our breakfasts together. Tasty, easy and relatively fast to prepare no matter how little sleep you got or how hungover you are. Enjoy.

Ingredients:

Coffee
1/2 pack of cigarettes (may be omitted if too hungover)
3-4 normal sized potatoes
1 or so onions
1 or so tomatoes
6-10 eggs
Any other vegetables you may have. Anything from eggplant to okra. (may be omitted if not on hand)
Spices. This is really up to you. Either super spicy or nice and mild.
Oil. Sunflower or corn is best. Olive works but it's a bit rich for our tastes.

Method:

Make coffee. drink a cup and check internet. smoke if not too nicotine ill from the night before.
Chop potatoes and onions nice and thin. put them in a bowl and shake with some oil until they are well covered with said oil.
Put a bit more oil in a frying pan and heat it for a bit. sometimes i put coriander and cumin seeds in at this point for fun.
Fry potatoes and onions until browning. you may smoke while this is going on. just be sure to stir often enough so they are evenly cooked.
Add tomatoes and other vegetables in accordance with how long they take to cook. drink coffee.
Continue frying until there is little liquid left in the pan.
Break eggs into the bowl you mixed the oil into the potatoes with. whisk. add the fried potato mix. mix well.
Put a bit more oil into the frying pan. lower the heat a bit and pour the whole damn thing in and mix well for about 30 seconds. as you are doing so, shake the pan a bit so the bottom don't stick.
Continue shaking it every minute or so until the bottom seems nice and solid. have another cigarette if you will. when it seems like the time's right, try and flip the bastard onto a plate so you can cook the top side. if you can't don't worry about it, just make sure you cover the top and continue cooking on a lowish heat until the top seems more or less firm.
When it seems ready, turn off the heat and put the thing to side for a minute while you set the table and get salads and sauces ready and maybe have some more coffee and cigarettes.
Serve.
Get compliments.
Chill.
Get someone else to do the dishes.
Start thinking about lunch.
Do push ups.
Try and think of something worthwhile to do with the rest of your day...